RP Sample - Achilles

[Achilleon]

Weeks had passed since his nascent awakening. Initially, he found it
relatively easy to adjust to the life that he awoke to. The small
blockhouse in which his second birth occurred became his permanent
residence. It seemed to be completely off of the grid, that is, devoid
of electricity, running water, and any modern conveniences that were
prevalent in the cities of today. Despite his lack of any tangible
memories, it was made obvious that he was imbued with a wide array of
skills, most of which complimented the rugged lifestyle that he was
faced with.

This became apparent during a small trip into a
heavily wooded area adjacent to his property. It had stormed heavily a
day prior. Bolts of lightning hurled by Zeus almighty splintered a bevy
of trees, rending branches and scattering them across the forest floor.
The woods themselves were still fairly moist, and its canopy blotted
out most of the sun. The lack of sunlight caused a passing wind to bite
frigidly at his exposed flesh.

He donned a blue tunic, while
fastened at his waist was a leather belt. Achilles had discovered the
clothing when fully exploring his home. Bare feet padded the ground
quietly, allowing him some semblance of stealth in the forest. He had
entered previously to simply scout the territory neighboring his own.
Yet, the harshness of the wind that rose portended to something much
more than a short journey into the wilderness.

The serenity of
the forest was broken as the distinct sound of a snapping log pierced
the air. A rush of adrenaline shot through his veins, hairs stood on
edge and his eyes widened. Yet, a small smirk appeared upon his face.
The familiar feeling of fear, an inkling of the unknown rose within
him. For this he was glad, which was evident by his facial expression,
his life had been pedestrian as of late. Instincts long forgotten made
themselves present as he crouched low to the ground while scanning for
the perpetrator of the sound.

A guttural roar broke the
momentary silence. Pivoting his body, Achilles’ vision was enveloped by
a massive paw. Before he could decide what to do, his body had already
sprung into action. Muscles strained as he rolled to his left, crashing
into nearby brush. The creature’s paw slammed into the ground with a
dull thud, sending loose earth into the air, which only preceded
another incensed roar.

Scrambling to his feet, he realized that
there were now only several short yards between himself and what
appeared to a rather irate and overgrown grizzly bear. The ursine
crashed through the undergrowth towards him, indignant from Achilles’
escape from its death blow.

Despite the creature’s
overwhelming strength, Achilles’ was too fleet of foot to be caught by
a charge which was blinded with rage and fueled by hunger. Sidestepping
ever so gracefully, the monster collided into a thicket of briars which
seemed only to provoke it even more so.

Achilles took another
light step backwards, preparing for the oncoming onslaught. In doing
so, his foot tapped a rather large branch which had been dislodged from
its previous location due to the thunderstorm. It had splintered in
such a way that a crude point protruded from one end. Seizing the
opportunity to gain a rather savage arm, he did so. Wielding the spear
now evened the playing field, though the bear’s primitive mind could
not discern this.

“Come now beast, and I shall impart to you a lesson.”

He
shouted these words at the creature as it struggled to turn it around.
Its head flailed wildly from the sharp pin pricks of the briars, yet it
knew where its quarry lay. Tearing through the woods, it charged
towards Achilles. A clever maneuvering of the feet left the creature
fuming. Instead of a broken body beneath its claws, there was nothing
but leaves and dirt.

Achilles’ feet tapped the ground lightly as
he watched the rampaging beast right itself once more. That smirk which
had first appeared upon his face had not left him. The thrill of the
hunt, the struggle to stay alive fueled his excitement. Many would
consider him sick, but it seemed to be simply his nature.

Blonde
strands of hair had dislodged themselves from behind his ears. The
loose tendrils hung forward, giving him a look as untamed as the ursine
which opposed him. The increase of blood pumping enlarged the vascular
detail of his muscles. His striations were now completely visible. He
was the perfect physical specimen. Now Achilles’ had become the
predator.

The bear’s fury was not dampened by its failed
attempts. It loosed another gravelly bellow before charging towards its
bronze skinned prey. The creature’s dark brown coat rippled in cohesion
with the mass of sinew beneath its coat as it moved.

Achilles’
right leg slid backwards, ready to brace his body against the oncoming
tempest of flesh and fur. This was the critical point in the
engagement. Only one would emerge from the upcoming collision, either
man or beast.

Time seemed to slow down, causing the last few
seconds of encounter to last a lifetime. The ursine reared up on its
hind legs, doubling the height of Achilles’. It roared loudly,
demonstrating its feral strength. Ebon claws flashed downwards, as the
bear sought to bring its entire body down upon the man while swiping
towards his head. The blows which the bear dealt were strong enough to
fell a small tree, and surely powerful enough to sever Achilles’ head.

He
clutched onto his makeshift weapon, eyes widened as the bear plummeted
towards him with all of its might. His eyes opened not due to his fear
of the impending attack, but because he had finally discovered what he
had been seeking during the entire scrap, a chink in the bear’s armor.

He
squatted lowly while simultaneously thrusting his wooden weapon upwards
at the monstrosity. The battle had reached its climax. The spear
pierced the bottom of the bear’s throat. It tried to rear backwards,
but due to its own weight and the force of its own assault it was in
vain. The jagged branch exploded out of the other side of the creature.
Blood splattered onto the ground and trees in the background.

Releasing
his weapon as soon as he had felt it puncture the creature allowed
Achilles to narrowly avoid the falling carcass. The bear slammed onto
the ground in front of him. Part of his spear stuck from its body,
coated in the dark red life force of the animal.

Death had been instantaneous. The bear’s death allowed Achilles’ body
to revert to a less than heightened state of awareness. Oddly enough,
his muscles did not ache. He was barely short of breath. It seemed he
was conditioned for activities like this, though he figured slaying
bears was not what he was placed upon this planet for.

Regardless
of his purpose, he now had a large source of food available to him.
Gutting the creature immediately would be necessary. Despite his
strength, he could not drag the entirety of the corpse back to his
residence.

Turning his back to the carcass, he ran back towards
the blockhouse. Long strides carried him there in a short amount of
time. He spent a few seconds rummaging through a few of his belongings
before producing a small steel knife and a coil of rope. He gently
skimmed its edge with his thumb, checking its sharpness. Satisfied with
the blade, he returned to the sight of his kill.

A fox was
already picking at the bear’s remains. As soon as Achilles’ neared the
carcass, his sheer presence drove the small scavenger off. Moving
closer to the corpse, he used the protruding portion of the branch as
leverage to roll the creature on his side. Plunging the knife into the
dead animal’s throat, he opened up the creature.
He worked speedily.
Removing inedible entrails while tying off the digestive tracks so
whatever remaining feces wouldn’t contaminate the meat. Minutes passed
quickly, and before long Achilles’ was elbow deep in bear blood. He
piled the organs he would not return with a few yards away. It took
very little time for the carrion birds to begin to circle overhead.

Content
with the current weight of his kill, he secured the rope around the
creature and began the haul back. There was an appearance of a trail,
though it had been cluttered severely due to the storm the prior night.
It would have to suffice for now.

Roughly thirty minutes elapsed
before he managed to drag the carcass back to his blockhouse. As soon
as he had finished moving the bear he breathed sigh of relief. His
muscles ached. It was apparent he was not physically built for long
strenuous labor, but rather several bursts of anaerobic activity, much
in the way that a sprinter was.

He squatted down beside the head of the once mighty beast. Looking into its glossy eyes, Achilles spoke.

“Your soul will be the first to heaven to claim that you almost killed Achilles. The lesson I spoke of was one of humility.”

When
he finished speaking, something attracted his attention out of the
corner of his eye. There was a glint from some sort of metal that
sparkled faintly several yards from the immediate area around his
residence. His nostrils flared as he rose up to his feet. Sinewy digits
gripped the worn handle of the small knife, its blade still wet with
the blood of the beast.

Achilles did not bother to call out to
what he saw. He assumed that if one was to come here in peace, that
person would have made themselves known by now. His senses still keen
from the hunt, he crept towards the edge of the blockhouse. Flattening
up along the wall, he peered around the corner, eyes fixed on the only
entrance to his home. He just managed to catch a human leg slipping
inside, the rest of its body obscured by the door.

For a normal
human being, an unknown intruder slipping into one’s home would cause a
person to think a mile a minute. Achilles’ managed to compartmentalize
his emotions and choose the best plan of action to handle the situation.

Due
to the fact that there was only one entrance, it was best, in his
opinion, to wait until the person exited the building. He could easily
ambush the individual and anticipated minimal physical resistance.

Creeping
towards the doorway, he kept his body pressed to the cement exterior of
the blockhouse. He moved silently yet quickly. He strained his ears in
an attempt to ascertain what was going on the inside of his residence.
Quiet mutterings and noises associated with hastily searching through
his home were being produced. They were looking for something, the
question of course being what.

Perhaps this person was the
actual owner of this property. Achilles’ had only claimed his own due
to the area being completely vacant of human life for several weeks.
Before he could consider any other explanations, the noise stopped.
Heavy footfalls from what were most likely boots echoed out of the
small cement building.

Achilles’ remained poised to strike, his
muscles readying themselves for a possible assault. A heavy black boot
stomped down onto the ground out of the building. His eyes scanned
upwards, recording every detail of the shadowy figure. The individual
was clothed in baggy grey pants and a similar long sleeved shirt. Black
kneepads and elbow pads were fastened in their respective areas as
well. The man, as he had now been identified as one, also donned a
military issue tactical vest which was also black in color. Aviator
sunglasses hid his eyes, and a ballistic helmet was upon his head.

It
was obvious that this man was a member of some sort of special
operations or mercenary unit. Achilles’ was not sure how he had jumped
to such a conclusion, but chalked it up to his subconscious. The man
reached to a small radio attached to his shoulder. Depressing the
button along the side he spoke into it.

“Target was not at location. I repeat, target was not at location. How should I proceed?”

Static buzzed from the small radio for a few brief seconds before another deep voice responded.

“Recon
the surrounding area. He should be present shortly. The rest of the
squad is on their way. They didn’t have any luck either. Do not engage
by yourself, target is considered extremely dangerous. When the rest of
the men arrive, make sure to take him alive.”

The man responded in short.

“Understood. Over and out.”

[Achilleon]

Despite the fact that this message board butchered my paragraphs somehow, you can see I use "slightly" more detail.This is only a short selection as well.

[Kronickillerz420]

no argument there very very very well written but boring story. i wasnt saying my rp was that well written i just had a good story . but good job man u proved your point

[Achilleon]

It's probably boring because you don't have the patience or grasp on proper writing. I thought your story was pretty childish and it didn't hold my attention for very long. That being said, to each his own.

[Kronickillerz420]

your a goof buddy its a dbz rpg get over yourself, go write a book or something if your so great. dbz is childish yet again gtfo. btw i make more money in a month than u make in a year and could smash your head in so u can keep your writing skills ill keep my skills

[Achilleon]

Well. That response was a tad unwarranted. I'm not really concerned about how large your cyber-muscles are or your current salary. I was giving an honest critique and I think you've taken this a tad too far. You should probably act a little bit more mature.

[Kronickillerz420]

nope you started it you didnt have to critize u couldda just kept your fingers off the keyboard and never critiqued my work. even if it did totally suck, you started the negativity i just finished it

[Achilleon]

You do realize criticism is what makes people better. If you go around thinking you're the best at everything then you'll never change and your work stays static instead of dynamic.

[Kronickillerz420]

sorry your right i had a long nite at work im tired cranky bitchy moany all of that into one sorry for snapping your a great writer i should learn to take critism better

[Achilleon]

Don't worry about it. Sh*t happens.

[Kronickillerz420]

k good no hard feelings

[Zaneyx]

Wow nice role playing. That was really long man. lol

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